Sudden Confict

I'm having some sort of existential crisis right now. But not really a crisis because it doesn't matter. I keep questioning our luxurious American lifestyle. Seriously, everyone goes to work every day and performs [mostly] mindless tasks to keep some huge industrial machine running? It's horrible. What's worse is that seemingly no one questions it. At least, not openly.

This came about because my boss mentioned that my attendance has been quite imperfect lately. I responded by telling him that I was sick, and he said that nonetheless I wasn't here (not in a mean way, that's just how it is). Then I realized that if I ended up working where I'm interning, I would go insane. Am I seriously working for a defense contractor? I am propagating the American empire, violence, oppression. It makes me shudder.

Then I started to look around. Nothing in my immediate surroundings is natural. Literally every single thing is man-made: part of an invisible self-propagating machine. What are we living for? Why do we complain when something "bad" like traffic happens? We own cars. Most of the world can't even say that! We are disgusting.

Yet here I am. Sitting at a computer on the internet, a combination of one of the most world-changing inventions. Sipping Vitamin Water, eating a sandwich catered by Sodexho. Fueling the machine.

The only thing that has any meaning for me right now is serving. Serving one another, serving the less fortunate etc. Yet, I am still too selfish and lazy to do that. I would rather live for myself, as would millions of Americans. Even if I do help others, I still have way too much. I would need to give away everything that I have to be on the same level as much of the world.

I need to stop ranting. I'm fed up with the American lifestyle, including how I contribute to it.


Thoughts?